CHRIST NEVER SHOWED UP!

Who WHO WHO WHOS WHO DOES JOE TALK TO NOW?

Maybe yo belve it by now, TYHat JOe used to Dro[p toa a knee everyNIGht frotm agae 3 to age 19 uthil the Tumror inm my brain itGot too big and Tenh JErmey would kneelf from me by bthe hsospital bed and we woudl pray togethear and that.

Whwo Did Joe talk toJOe? Well JOe and Jesus and GOd.

WHo DoeS JOE TALK TO NOW?

Well 1) JEsus is out! Emptyr prayers aheded that way! IK'll be Yakaking and he''bll be tryiang to cue up DArak Sid eof the MOoon with Wisarad of OZ or soring thru his GRaateful DAead cassseette coolleciton "O(h Man, THis won's got Dark SATar Nearly forogot! HES" OUT!

2) God (-providees th e coucha nd the tatpe deck for said LOSEr SON ans perhpaps the pot and the papers NO!

3) TYr a a new releigion JOE?! GO HIndu or Something.. I"M no gayha man in a hat or am a I a hhaapy bum at he air port!!!!
5) ASHELWY akaka GOth.

No! I'm a lone.

YOU'V E MEt MRS. McPUPPET HAVEN't You? SHe's JOE's MOTHER!

Heerrre's MOMMY

It's hard being Joe.

GUESS WHO I HUNGED OUT WITH AAGAIN TODAY? THE GOTHS! UGGGH!

YEWah, less fun, feidl trip: gueess where? Forest Lawnas the cementrery. The goths all hagvinvb fun, hanging out anad modeling for atheir grave stones and whwere to lie

LIke it's their fifnal resting palce. MAYGBPE FOR THEM, but JOe knows eterNITY. HE's seen it. CAn't be undonne for poor JOe - - I"ll be in Heaven, but alwaYS ON THE loc\k outt, gettin theDODGE buy the LOser Son of MAN - in the clousd s or seomthing there'ell be JEsus ducking behind a ailse, hidding behind hsis supaermarkent bag! JO is waitin in line for sum HAPPY SHIt or another and "there he is ! HERy, JEsus" but he's got ahis BUrger KING OR whatever and heading BAkc TO TH E HOLY COUCH of SUMUG RESTFUSLNESS! JOE is I A'm at asome pAerty fror Hommer or Arasitioles or someshit, and THE ROOmo ias a a buzz cuya JC on his way coming' for sure, Jackie o and Dsiney and some fuck eveyone jus ASassumes JOe's knows all talking about personaalll PRELATIONSHIP wiht JEUS*USa nd "Saw hiM jUst YESSTEREDAY"! and it's gettin leatter and altter and it's midnndight or wahatver and NO SHOW AGAIN BY SUCKER MEASASSIAH, but EVERYONE HAPPY and jOE is SUTUCK STUCK SUTCK STUKC IKn this "heaven!"

Baks on EArth plante: THees e Goths are fREidns of Asdhlewy and they area goofffing around and luiying down like they deada and takcing pciturse.

SO JOE MAKE A S DICISION! FUck this World TOo!

I think I'll strt burnin shit sooun!

IS JOE A GOTH? SURvEY SEZ?

Eyeopening evening!!! Ashely may be a Goth?! Joe ahs never been around a gRopuap of apoeple like ethese, nver been to a clulb like thses, gogod dman times and good day sex tiems!!! bUT BUT TUBUT!

Her'es weird: THeese people "Godths" are much LIke JOe! THey hate Jsus mayb emore than JOE! THa'st THUMBS UP!

THumsbs DO!WN is they don't BELIEVE in JEsuse!

Theyd don't believe in him and they hate him!?! JOe preplexed.

But JOe's didck is wet from anmany women! Joe is happy!

Goth rules in perpetuitty! BUt still Lame cuzy, whwe're that Hate real

REAL!

I WAS A DUPE! A REPORT BY JOE

I wantd to tell you what a dope I waS and the way to do that is to let you read something I rote back in the day of Stupid Joe, the Joe that blieved in a Jesus who would open the door and say Hey JOE good to see you, welcom to the gates of Heavan and whoops looks lik you goota go joe, but please come back soon. I will be waiting." (He won't becuz see Tietle abovve)

But you see my hands shake they shake. other things too. But the birilliant doctosrs who tooke joe apart and Put him back together HIs brain, well they a gave me this medicin e for helping the hands. Mea nd Ashely took it together an it made her spleep and WOW DId made my hands better

So I can shanstribe this old story OLD JOe, stupID JO wrote, I can type better. Its funny czu my pal Jermy from Hospital would type mY e-mails for me whwn I was so sick in bed, to fridnds and to socalled friend s in the Chrsitina puppet world and he couldnt hlep but fun it up! Jermey was a good friend so sometms he wold put in little jokes from JER (which is him Jermemy) and tlell me about them lateror not.

SO here goes:

MY HERO JESUS CHRIST (gagggg! Me: JMCP, not JER, ha!)

For class today, we were asked to write about a heoro of ours. IT could be a hero from our time, a distant time. or a general ida of a person who we find heroic. AFfter much thoguht and consiceration, I have decided to wreitre abou t a Person (note the UPlper case, I todl you I waws a Good Chrisitan. JMCP) who is my best hero. HIs sname is Jesus Christ.

Some may say taht I am not being Secular in my seleciton. Let us looka t the roots of the word "Secular" (I bet you bring out the dictionary now, boy! JER). WEBSTER'S NEW WORLD DICTIONARY defines "Secular" as (I knew it! JER): secular, adj 1. of or belionging to the world and wolrding thingas as distingquided from the church and religious affairs; not sacred or religious : temporal; worldly".

This is is crux of my agurement. IF secular describes something "worldly" or 2. "Of this world", then Jeesus is sercainly my hero of this world. He came to this world to save all of makind! (And I did it. JC) What could be more "worldy" than that. Websters goes on to describe the word "seuclar" (here he goes again! JER) as: 3. coming oor happeing only once in an age or cntury. Christ's appearance only happened once! In the entire History of the world. (And then he was too tired to return, the ppoor little Sleepy Savior. JMCP)

Here are some more reasons why Jesus Christ is my hero (Bring it on. JC): He is a good expample to children (if youwant your kids to hang outa at home allday and suck on the bong. JMCP), He was kind to the sick and the elderly, He raised the dead (my kind of party. JC), and told storys that even today people listen to and learn (alot of lies. JMCP_) alot about life.

In summary (Thank God. JER), I would like to say that JEsus is my hero because He is not a secular God, but a person like you an d me (who happens to like an evening of 'za and chilllin' by the tube. "judge not, lest..." get it? JC) who was of this world and is an admirlable role model.

(GAG!!!! SPITA ND GAG! from your heroo JMCP, which is me, Joe Mcpuppet, briniging you the real deal eeven if the pills make him gag, my hands worlded and I coul d write this SHIT out!

Now You kno w how deeply LLAME I was. I wrot that story wthen I was GUESS? 11, 12?, 13? KEeep going, 14, 16?, no! 17 years old!

I gotta make up for lost time! It's party time! SAince my fingers wwork now and ALshelys asleep it's a sEX PARYTY! Jsut me an d JOe. (Spare us the detalils. JER)

That Jeremy!

LEtTER BAG! LETTEr BAG! YO've Got MAIL!

UNholy union HA enough said!

So hgere's the letters JOe's ggeeting now, not the "God bless you and get thorugh this," or "whwere you been an how did the 'peration go?!" NOt even, "Your God's Consolation Priz", which I sent to myself! Joe McP to Joe Mcp can you dig it at all!

D First from the dummy: Jol writes "Hey Joe it's Joel and We miss you at Paryer grop HEY JOEL, Listne to Richard J for once and shut up your brother is smaritn than you. Can you spell disappoinamt well I cannot cuz I am esperimenting with drugs right now and Im gonna take tha picture of you at biBLE camp later and put it up to a torned up pictre of Jesus "booring and lam' Christ and mak lik e you ar kissing him which is waht you want, don't you? listen up Dummy?

Thenn Dear odl JOhjn: John you sent me that message in your msagic and in yrou dreama nd that music you write and I dsiagree. The membory I haveof that night is deiffernet. I ALWAYS LOVEDF JESUS BEFORE! Now you knwow EXacltly how I feel about that guy (see the title above for refresher, cuz he did not Show up, so much for love!@"

BLah ablah: SIster (soory but Jc is a couch -potrato), MRs. McPuppet (sorry mom but Jesus suck the bong long and hard) Litltle JOey, man I wish I had the words sonnnn

Fianally! Richard J!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@Quote in entireety: Keep it up JOe! Christ aisn't on eath and cannot kill you. ONl.y we of eathrly form can do that."

I will keep it up, Richard! I will keep i t up until Chist shows up!

HINT TO YOU PLAYIN aat HOME: (Don't hold your breath!)

Hey! Wait! I got a new COmplainT!

That is form a band called Nrvana and they area excelelnt and their music acan be found at Music sTores, etc.

You have to rmember that I was a CGood Crhistisan and I did wWHAT THEY SAID! I never lsietened to "bad music" or watch much tV or onlys ome movies. I tried to be like Jesuc C which I now see was a LIE!

Now I'm like the new JEsus C and I'mn trying something new eVeryday! HEAR THAt AShely? Better get ready world (and AshelY!) HE he!@

You are beautiful because you can keep a secret.
Even if you were deserted by your Savior
You'd still never tell.


Why are you beautiful?
brought to you by Quizilla
For AShely!

Guess who still gets the blues sometimes ? And if'yre guessing it's JOe, well, RIGHT

But WHO Do \I Talk to NOW?!

I an't no BUddist - THa t Gandi ain't JOe's speed...too Gay1!

An I mean, I still bleive in GOd, more than evr, cuzx I been to Heaven, HE"s not on my SHIT-lIST! But come on, how do you rspect a guy (GUY) who's still leetting his kid live at home, hang otuall day, no job, nothing to dao but greeet peple who love your dad at the gates of ver lasting life, NOTA BAD JOB< but he blows it off, blows IT OFF< and jus slack off!

I mean, can YOU hONESTLY pray to such a peson? Call HIm HEavenly FAther?

I can't. Keep trying. Ican't.