CHRIST NEVER SHOWED UP!

DID I MENTION THAT I WAS DEAD FOR NEARLY 2 MINUTES? GUess Who doesn't give a RAT's ASS?! (See title above)

Yes, I was dead for 1 minuthne and 51 secnds. Ask JErmy, ask the doctors. Interesting: John 1:51 reads like so: "And he (jses) said to him, "Truly, trULY, i say to you, you will see Heaven opnened, and the angels of God acending nad descneding upon the SOn of MAN!"

Conincidence?

I saw the Heaven open and angels singging and, THOUGH I LOOKED< did NOT see see the SOn.

My msistake, of course! Teuesday is Happy Hour Allday at JC"s favoriete bar: you know whre everyone one knows your name, aqnd youi're always gald you cmae..."

SING ALONG! YOU KNOW THE WORDS!

Guess who hasn't lost it? ME! Joe McPuppet!

Want a hnt? Me aned Ashely did it 7 times today! And guess where? Behind the alter where JOe used togo toChruch!

HEY! Hey Jesus, c'mon downa and sMOTE me! GIt out of the HotTUB and blast Joe to hELL!

No? Thinkyou might order anOTher Margaariata instead? sure...Gilligan'ss ISlandd reruns ar on, dont wanana miss that,do we Jesus? ITs' the good one t00 where the SKiPPER hits Gilliagan withs his hat...oh, you'rd sleeping now, SHHHH everyone thes SON OF GOD isasleep...

And JOE IS hitting the spot everytime! SLeep on SUCKER MESSIAH!

GUESS WHO ELS LIKES TELEVEISON?! THAT'S RIGHT IT'S SATAN!

Saatan watches TV too, but he wastches shows like "Bewtiched and Buffy The VAmpire Slayer and ANGEL" cuz it's good resxasrch. CHEcck out the link AnD THANK YOU JACK CHICK!

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0045/0045_01.asp

Wheras Jesus jsut watchs what is on: toomuch evffort to change thechannel!
PASS THE BONG, SUPERSTAR!

IS Jesus a good Dancer? My guess is he's CRummy!

BUt then, I wouldn't KNOW! WOULD I?!

So amany unaanswered quwestions: Does he ahve scars on his palms and from the wound in his sidE? Did HE keep the Beard?! wahts his thoughts on this and that an d ladeeee DA?!

WHo knows?! NOt me! Jesus is too busy hoggin the remote and lighting his farTs!

BTW: MEand ASHEly did it in her gRamma's reoom. I Never saidthere wasn't aGOD!

Is my Blog HOT
or NOT?

Guess where My ATM card is? I BURNT IT UP!

I was Joe waaiting in line at the bandk machine. Somedud in front freaked out cuz the machine eat his card. Joe was staring at him, jus watchin the dude freaking out. DUDE IS soooooooooooo frusttrarted, sssssssssssooooo DISappointed!

hEY, dude, I KNow aobut DISAPPOINTMENT!

So Iburnt my card right there! Told the POSt OFFICE too, I said, Post Offic, the only way I want my mial delivered is Jesus Christ brings it hisself" an d they laughed. I laughed rightalong, cuz they GET IT! JC SUPERSLuG wouldn't get off hisAss to say "Hey Joe, walcome to Heaven, " SO how's he gonna find the energi to dliver mael?!

Besides the Govenrnment will find me wiht my MONEY! They want thiss story told! TAKE THAT, JSUS and WINd YOUR WATCH ! ONCE JUST once!

Guess who else is lying? EVERYBODY!

I know! I'm Joe Mcpuppet and I was a good Christian who wrote pupppet plays fro Children until I got to Heaven and found out the fBIG LIE: He maybe the Son of GOd bu he's also one big lazy slob!

Like all the "good Christianas" you know, I was told waht to say AND I SAID IT, I said, "it's okayan dit's all good, giveyourself to Jesus Christ and when you die you will go strait to heavenand HE wil l be waiting for you and he will say, sorry Joe, sorry that yougot that brainn tumor, it's a bummerand unfair cuz you were only! 19yEARs old!, but now y0ou are here and I'm here and let's hang out cuz youdeserve it my frieend, cuz you trusted me..."
'
AND I FOUND OUT I WAS LYING THE HARD WAY!

I was in Heaven alright! I was there! WHere was the big guy?! Gettin'a bikini wax, eating a burrito?! who CARES!

Here goes: My alopogolies to everyone I lied to.
I DIDN't Know!
2) I"m making up for It. I write Chrsitian leaders everyday and tell them about the Couch their SAvior sleeps on all day long. I tell them about HIm watching soapoperas and ordring in pizza and so on.
3) I wrote the Pope, people.

Enough said for now. The Word is replaced by "the Word".

I GUess you hate God too, right Joe? Guess agian! MY BEEF IS NOT WITH HIM!

"And God so loved the world that he gave his only son..." Thank, but no THANKS!

THat's John 3:16 and it goes onto promise that if you believe in this "son" that you will not perish but have everlasing lsife! PROMISE BROKEN! Where were you, Jesus, when I crusied by the Pearly GAtes?

I was TOLD taht if I gave my life to you, you'd be weiting. WEll, I did so at age 11 Years old. AGAIN at 15 and 19 and then , like I said, with JEremy the night before I "Died'. Hey JC, I got some news for you - you just maed your father a liar, how's that feel, huH?

I do have beefs awith other peopel, not just the BIG LZY ONE, her'es a puppet play I wrot e about some "Christians" I know who teach children lies like Jesus might blow of f badminton practice to come greeta good freind like JOe!


PuppetZ Wild! PuppetZ Wild! PuppetZ Wild! PuppetZ Wild!

LAZARUS!

A VILLAGE.

The Three Wisemen bearing "gifts".

WISEMAN #1
I hate Lazarus!

SECOND WISEMAN
We have the money and the power!

WISEMAN #1
His plays are odd. We don't like his
endings. I can complain because I
have money and power and he has none!

SECOND WISEMAN
Only puppet2puppet plays are good!

WISEMAN #1
His are bad!

LITTLE DRUMMER BOY
Here comes Lazarus, hurray!

WISEMAN 3
That freak!

Here comes Lazarus with a lot of other puppets.

GOOD PEOPLE
We love you, Lazarus! Entertain us
with your words!

LAZARUS
You people rule! Here is a thought I
just had. What if God loved
EVERYONE?! I'm going to write a play
about it.

GOOD PEOPLE
Hurray, we can't wait to read it!

CRITIC
You can wait!

The critic has a rifle and shoots Joe.

CRITIC
Die, Lazarus, die!

GOOD PEOPLE
Oh God no! Lazarus is dead!

A CAVE.

WISEMAN 3
I'm overjoyed that he is dead!

SECOND WISEMAN
Now people will understand that only
puppet2puppet plays are good! We are
the best!

WISEMAN #1
Yes!

LITTLE DRUMMER BOY
Here comes Jesus!

JESUS
Rise, Lazarus, rise! You are not
"odd!" No one can kill you, cuz I live
in your ear and hear everything. I
will bring you back to life!

LAZARUS
I am alive!

CRITICS
Damn!

PuppetZ Wild! PuppetZ Wild! PuppetZ Wild! PuppetZ Wild!

THIS Was written before I SAW THE LIGHT and lookeed and looked for someone I'd been waiting to meet my whole life. Where was he? You know the answer: CHRIST NEVER SHOWED UP!

MOre later! HATRED!

Guess who's listening when you pray? NOT JESUS!

"Dear Jesuss, now I lay me down to rewst..." Good LUCK! He's not listening.

I'm Joe McPuppet! I've been to the placewhere Jesus whould answer your prayercalls if he felt like it, but DON'T HOLD YOUR breaTH! Right before the opearation, on my BRAIN, me and Jeremey prayed and said again, "Oh HJesus here our prayer, help Joe, etctrea, and if not, receive your servant..."

You KNOW WHAT HAPPEND. I got there but JESUS TOOK A POWDER.

I feel for allthe good people. The soldier on the battlefeild, "dear Lord" ZZZZZ (Jesus is takin a nap rightnow call back later), the doctor in the opeatinging room " Jesus, guid my hand" (Jsus has other plans rightnow. SORRY!) A grandmather who loves little Ashley and doesn'want Ashely to see that nasty Joe McPuppet whop hates JEsus so mch! Sorry GRANNY! I'm gonna do waht me and AShely want to do and don't bother asking Jesus to stop me cuz he's taking that affternoon nap.

JESUS ITINERARY
1. Sleep until noon
2.Slakc off.
C. A nap.
-- Kick it anda not care about aanything!

Sorry tha't its bad news but it's not my fault. POINT YOUR FINGERS HIGH! THE MIDDLE ONE!